eHarmony’s Newest Applicant

My wife and I are very big people watchers. A lot of times when we are sitting in public somewhere, we will spend a good five to ten minutes not saying anything to each other and just looking at the random people walking by. Also at restaurants I like to find people that are out on a date and try and figure out how long they have been dating by their body language. The “first date” couple is always real easy to spot. You just have to look at the girl and see how nervous she looks and how much time she spent getting ready. Anyways, I like to think that I’m pretty good at judging books by their cover.

And the same goes for when I come across pictures like this too…

When I see people like this, I actually will often come up with what I think he/she would say if they were filling out a profile for a dating service. Anyways, here’s what I came up with for this guy.

Sup? My name is Wiley, but everybody pretty much calls me Mr. Cool ICE. I got that name when me and my buddies were at this party one night, and of course I got so hammered that I passed out onto the kitchen floor. When I fell I hit my head on the counter and cracked my skull. My buddies were laughin’ at me and stuff, but they didn’t know what to do, so they just put a sandwich bag of ice on my head. Next thing I know, I’m waking up in a hospital bed with a big ass headache. The doctor said I shouldn’t be drinkin’ alcohol anymore, but I said “forget that…If I can’t party, then I don’t deserve to be called Mr. Cool ICE.”

I got a chihuahua named Killer and he loves chicken wings. I also play drums in a death metal band called Slayhounds.

We get a lot of gigs at this bar in downtown L.A., because our lead singer knows the manager there. People always say we are one of the best Metallica cover bands they’ve ever seen. (Lars RULES!!) We’re hoping to land a big record deal pretty soon, but until then, I’m just gonna keep on partyin’, rockin’ out, ridin’ my Harley and ridin’ my women.

Also I just got the most killer tattoos, but you’ll just have to wait until our date to check em out. Lucky you.

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Please feel free to comment and make your own contributions to what you think Mr. Cool ICE would say about himself.